The bitter taste of disappointment.

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Sitting here on a Friday night, the mellow beats of Radiohead in the background matching my somber mood… nothing sucks more than the disappointment of a shattered hope. I put myself on the line. I dreamed a dream. And with one swift phone call, that dream was lost. A kick in the stomach, a sinking feeling of rejection. You blame yourself, and pick apart every minute of the process. What if I’d done this, or said that? Who knows. Life is one door opening after another closes, and that’s the truth. Feel the feelings, take the time to be down about it. Then get back up slowly, one step at a time. 

I’ve come to realise lately that you’ve really got to have your own back. Yes, family and friends will always be there for you, but in reality everyone is just trying to keep their own heads above water. You can shout and scream all you like and not make a dent, or you can quietly resolve to be better tomorrow. Set your own personal goals and take however long you need to get there. One thing it’s taken me years to stop doing was apologising and explaining myself. So what if I don’t feel like doing this, or going there? You do you and let me worry about me. I’m not saying a nudge in the back isn’t called for now and then – we all need some gentle encouragement in rough times. But by and large we need to pick our own selves up from the floor and persevere, for any positive changes to last the distance.

We all have those songs we listen to on repeat when we’re feeling down. I’ve lost track of how many situations this song has healed me through… his echoing, haunting voice gives me shivers every time.

Forget about your house of cards, and I’ll do mine… 

Anyway I hope you have a great weekend, doing whatever it is that makes you feel alive. Try not to let little disappointments rule your happiness. Take a moment to process your reality, and then move on. That’s all we can really do 🙂

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Photo credits – hvmansouls & lafemmesauvage_

Good old fashioned fun, did it get lost along the way?

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This weekend I’ve taken a real step back to simple, old school activities – something that’s been a real delight, and led to a feeling of contentment not often felt on Sunday evenings. From running around the yard with Audrey (our little sausage dog), to reading the weekend newspaper, capped off with a leisurely bike ride through the Botanic Gardens, I can truly go back to work tomorrow feeling refreshed. I used to spend my weekends hungover for the most part, wasting those precious non-working hours in bed wallowing in self pity and greasy food, with Sunday evenings approaching far too soon. This being my ‘gap year’ from what life had become over the past few years, I am truly grateful for wholesome weekends at home with nothing but my family for company.

A simple night in with my step-dad last night with a home cooked Thai curry, Lord of the Rings movie marathon and gourmet ice cream, led to a feeling of gratitude for the simple things in life. I don’t need to be out socialising with friends every weekend, wasting my time trying to hear each other over the thud of techno music. Sure – catching up with loved ones is important and we need those relationships for support and networking. But more often than not I’d stumble home in the morning hours clutching my bag of Macca’s, wishing I’d never gone out in the first place. Since when did that become the norm?

Taking a big step back from what a normal weekend had become for me, has been a real eye-opener for what I actually gain enjoyment from. I’m not saying the occasional night out with friends isn’t fun – of course it can be. As long as you’re in the right frame of mind and haven’t been pressured to go out, then having a few drinks and a dance is great. I’m just at a point where I know that for my own sanity, happiness and contentment, then a quiet, simple weekend is the answer for me. What better way to start a Monday than feeling refreshed and like I’ve made the most of my time off, doing things that make my soul sing?

‘If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive.’

Eleonora Duse

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Photo credits – brittnimehlhoff & nhodjin