Decision making… I’d rather not.

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When you’re given options in life – to choose A versus B, this versus that, the decision making process can seem so daunting that more often than not, you tend to become stagnant. Lost between your current reality and a perceived change of course, you’re afraid of taking any step in either direction, scared to lose what you already have but at the same time scared to never experience something new.

I’m one of those people that either makes split decisions without thinking about anything at all, or I simply dwell on things too long that the opportunity passes as I’m hiding in my cave. I’m not even weighing up the pros and cons in my head, mapping out the direction of each decision – no, I’ve simply ‘checked out’. Something in me has decided that making this decision is too hard, I’m not going to be happy either way, so I’d simply rather not. That’s the thing these days – we have too many options that we’re constantly left wondering if option C might have been better than option D, and so on. It’s incredibly tiring.

Just recently I’ve been presented with an option that I know deep down I’m not ready for, though all sensible people would choose to go through with it. I’m not the type of person that follows my head though, always trusting the intuition of my gut instincts instead. When every fibre in me is screaming no, I shouldn’t have to make excuses or explain myself. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about saying no, or worry about the consequences – we all need to choose what’s right for us at this particular time in our lives. How else can we grow and learn, without the values of retrospect and hindsight? Maybe in 6 months or a year, I’ll think back to the options I had at this time and pat myself on the back for following my heart, and not what society would have me conform to.

Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.

Robert H. Schuller

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Photo credits – templeofleaves & pr0ject_uno

The edge of something good

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Do you ever feel like you’re standing on the edge of something, some kind of adventure or next chapter but at the same time you are unsure as to what that might be? That’s my current gut feeling, and the only way I can explain it is a butterfly in the stomach ready to be unleashed but waiting for the right moment. It’s like I know my next step is just around the corner, but I’m waiting for a sign or direction before I dive headfirst.

I’m a firm believer in trusting your gut instincts, and when you feel right about something then by all means stick with it. Don’t listen to other people, don’t be swayed from your purpose (unless of course you’re planning to harm someone intentionally, then please seek medical advice ASAP). What I am talking about is your spiritual path, that whole ‘life is about the journey not the destination’ belief. You really don’t have to explain your decisions or answer to anyone when you know deep down that what you are doing is right for you, at this moment in time.

I’ve recently had some major life overhauls, quit my job and moved home to live with my family for a couple of months. I’ve left a career behind and all my friends, but I’ve never felt so sure that this is the right decision for me right now. I feel safe, loved and supported at home with my family and what’s better than that? Sometimes you just need a little down time, an escape from everything that’s become your ‘normal’. This time has allowed me to process the friendships I genuinely value, and take up hobbies that I had let die over the last few years. Not to mention the undervalued art of animal therapy that I have been indulging in since coming home, with 3 cats and a puppy around who could ever be lonely?

What I’m saying is, do what’s best for you on your individual journey in life. If you have a niggling feeling in your gut that you aren’t meant to be where you are right now, then don’t let it consume you. Do something about it! I waited too long to quit a job I hated and to get away from toxic people. I let these things take such a negative hold over my life that I suffered severe anxiety and health issues for months, and it wasn’t until I was finally free of this situation that I realised how dangerously close I had come to a mental breakdown. I’m so grateful for my beautiful family, for taking me in and loving me unconditionally.

While I know the road ahead will still be full of challenges, I feel comfortable saying to myself that I am now where I need to be in order to get better. And I don’t have to defend that choice to anyone.

Photo credit – @paulasynphoto