The bitter taste of disappointment.

IMG_3871

Sitting here on a Friday night, the mellow beats of Radiohead in the background matching my somber mood… nothing sucks more than the disappointment of a shattered hope. I put myself on the line. I dreamed a dream. And with one swift phone call, that dream was lost. A kick in the stomach, a sinking feeling of rejection. You blame yourself, and pick apart every minute of the process. What if I’d done this, or said that? Who knows. Life is one door opening after another closes, and that’s the truth. Feel the feelings, take the time to be down about it. Then get back up slowly, one step at a time. 

I’ve come to realise lately that you’ve really got to have your own back. Yes, family and friends will always be there for you, but in reality everyone is just trying to keep their own heads above water. You can shout and scream all you like and not make a dent, or you can quietly resolve to be better tomorrow. Set your own personal goals and take however long you need to get there. One thing it’s taken me years to stop doing was apologising and explaining myself. So what if I don’t feel like doing this, or going there? You do you and let me worry about me. I’m not saying a nudge in the back isn’t called for now and then – we all need some gentle encouragement in rough times. But by and large we need to pick our own selves up from the floor and persevere, for any positive changes to last the distance.

We all have those songs we listen to on repeat when we’re feeling down. I’ve lost track of how many situations this song has healed me through… his echoing, haunting voice gives me shivers every time.

Forget about your house of cards, and I’ll do mine… 

Anyway I hope you have a great weekend, doing whatever it is that makes you feel alive. Try not to let little disappointments rule your happiness. Take a moment to process your reality, and then move on. That’s all we can really do 🙂

IMG_3449

Photo credits – hvmansouls & lafemmesauvage_

50 shades of introversion

The sun is out, the pool is fresh, the fridge is stocked and the sky’s the limit. So why am I feeling glum?

The struggle with being of an introverted tendency (I don’t believe in black and white categories – we all fit somewhere on an interchanging scale), is that despite relishing in being alone MOST of the time, there are in fact days when I want to talk to all of my friends at once. This of course, is impossible as everyone is out enjoying their Sunday and living their lives. So what to do? Pen to paper of course. (Or in this case, finger to keypad).

Trying to explain the innate reflex to avoid social situations is difficult to spell out to people who simply relish in them and completely contradictory when, on the odd occasion, I like to be the life of the party and twerk all night to Rihanna. Put me in a room of over-confident SALES people and I’ll happily hide by the cheese platter all night, but get me one on one and I might chew your ear off about the plight of Orca’s in captivity (RIP Tilikum). So why can’t us towards the nether regions of the introversion scale just get it together and be consistent?

I think the key might be in choosing our friends right, and making sure they understand that we aren’t saying no to activities because we dislike them, it’s because we literally NEED time out to re-charge. If I had an activity planned for every night of the week I would probably consider hiding under my blanket and crying at the sheer thought of not having any time to myself. No I don’t want to go out every single weekend and waste half of it hungover, but don’t lose heart – I’d love to catch up with you over Sunday brunch next weekend.

On behalf of anyone else who is feeling like this, we’re sorry and please bear with us. We genuinely value your friendship, but sometimes we just need to hide in a dark room and listen to a rainy day playlist. The good thing about it is – the sun will always rise, the clouds will clear and we’ll slide a few shades down the scale and twerk with you till dawn.

image

Photo credits – theophelia & matt.ferr