Trying to understand people is impossible.



If you, like me, have wasted countless hours of your life trying to understand why someone has acted in the way that they have, then you aren’t alone. I’ve spent days analysing situations, messages, emails, behaviours – you name it. Simply trying to understand why someone has said this or done that, drives me absolutely insane. It’s something that I’ve really struggled with my whole life, just trying to connect all the dots and make sense of peoples decisions. The truth is though – nobody can ever really understand how people think, or someone’s entire life of experiences that add up to them choosing to act one way instead of another.

There are hundreds of variables influencing people at every moment of the day, each of them firing away at rapid speed without us even being aware. From little decisions like choosing what to have for lunch, to big decisions like applying for jobs and moving house, we all come to our conclusions after a series of elements like past experiences, friends and families opinions, media influences, emotions and a million other things come into play. How could we ever possibly aim to understand people if this is the case? We can’t, and that’s something I need to accept before I waste any more time trying.

One of my big ones was people who are always late. ALWAYS late. WHYYYY ? I just couldn’t understand why they couldn’t just plan their day around the time they KNEW they had to be somewhere, to ensure they had enough time to get there etc etc. Didn’t they feel guilty for making other people wait? I know I feel absolutely panicked and sick when I (rarely) keep someone waiting, and apologise profusely for doing so. But nope, some people just breeze on in at any time they like without seeming to care. I still don’t understand it, but it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. I have a little more life experience to appreciate that everyone is different, and that I don’t know all the in’s and out’s of their day. They’ll get there when they get there, and I can be a little more forgiving (as long as it’s not something super important like a wedding – though this one remains to be seen).

Assuming that people will want to do certain activities with you, or that they are free at the same times as you is also a big mood-killer. SO many times in my life I’ve planned things in my head with certain people, to be left disappointed and lonely when they’ve low and behold got other plans or simply don’t feel like doing the same thing as me. This one is something I still struggle with, and it’s completely self-induced. Nobody is a mind reader – the other person in my planned scenario will usually have no idea that I’ve connected A, B and C to mean that because I’m free on Sunday morning then we can both go out for breakfast followed by a morning stroll. Assuming things about people or how events will unfold is the worst thing you can do, because it is always a recipe for disaster – or at the very least leaves you feeling like a sad control freak.

So take a step back, and check yourself before you wreck yourself.


Photo credits – depthobsessed & maxfromtax.

9 thoughts on “Trying to understand people is impossible.

  1. being on time is a cultural value. for some people, its really difficult to be on time– theyre just too easily distracted.

    other people are too social, and will get caught up accidentally meeting someone they know on the way somewhere, and talk to them for a little too long.

    others simply think “it will wait” — either because they feel that way when theyre waiting for someone else, they arent worried about other people being punctual either; or in many cases, they have a double standard about it. or, they appear to have a double standard because they have a very fair standard that looks like it works better for them than other people (but actually its just nuanced and depends on the situation.)

    let me say youre absolutely correct about whether youll ever be able to figure out people or not. however, its worse when youre younger and with time you start notice more patterns that clear some things up you always wondered about. personally, i figured out that my attraction to people that are passionate is a good way to meet too many people with borderline personality. like literally.

    as in no matter how long we “know” each other, they will always be relentless conspiracy theorists, but instead about the government or ufos it will be about every single person they know. theyll confide in me about all their closest friends, and tell me every single thing wrong with every single one. and then no matter how close i am, no matter how much in their inner circle i am, one day it will be my turn. ive had that happen a few times, its really something to watch out for. cheers.


    1. True, we can’t fully understand someone else because we have not walked in their shoes, but we can understand more about someone if we are willing to more fully communicate with them. Of course, they have to be ready and open to participating in the conversation; but a lot of our difficulties nowadays just boil down to poor communication skills. Especially since everyone is moving at a million miles an hour through their days, constantly distracted, and also because electronic communication is just not the same as face to face, or even an undisturbed phone call.

      Liked by 2 people

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