Why forcing yourself to converse is so important…


I’ll just come right out and say it; my natural instinct is to run and hide, turn completely inwards and build things up in my mind. I’m not a natural conversationalist by any means, in fact a comfortable silence with loved ones is something I really enjoy. If someone invites me to a social gathering, I usually worry about the fact I’ll have to engage in small chat with strangers, something I assume poking needles in your eyes would feel like. I’m expected to be courteous, charming and interested while pushing down the screaming introvert within, and sometimes it’s just easier to decline. But at what cost to my growth and development as a human?

I have a girlfriend who calls me nearly every day for a chat, and every single time the phone rings my gut instinct is to not pick it up. Why? What the hell is wrong with me? Even though 9 times out of 10 I’ll feel better after chatting to her, bouncing ideas around and venting about life, I just can’t seem to learn. It’s incredibly frustrating and something I’m acknowledging right here and now that I’m committing to working on. I don’t expect to become a public speaker or the next biggest socialite, but I do hope to stop associating conversations with an ingrained flight response.

I assume this preference of mine was developed over the years from being an only child until I was 10, and from living mostly with my grandparents who aren’t big talkers either. Dinner was usually a silent affair over the 6pm news so my Pop could hear the stories of the day, and discussing your issues in any great depth was something not really done. If anything scandalous happened within the family it was conveyed in hushed whispers, so I suppose I’ve developed an intuitive response to internalise my feelings, or turn to diary (and blog) writing. I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with this, however if I should start a family of my own one day I’ll certainly be more conscious of these behaviours and encourage open discussion.

Would love to hear your thoughts or suggestions on how I can improve this tendency of mine… And hoping you have a great week πŸ™‚


Photo credits – rsa_mextures & yuugi83

9 thoughts on “Why forcing yourself to converse is so important…

  1. perhaps allot yourself a certain number of conversations you get to let go unreplied to. and then past those, you have to reply until youre really fed up with it.

    (but not before you get nasty about it.) πŸ™‚


  2. Please be yourself. If you don’t want to be bothered and have something you would rather do, then be that person. I’m a good listener but have always been a loner and recently, have felt like asserting my right not to be spoken to. I am surrounded by nosy, inappropriate people who ask me the same meaningless, intrusive questions every day. As a result, I avoid in-person conversations unless there is something specific to be addressed. Friends are nonplussed, but I am myself. So be it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. i agree, ultimately you should have/use that right if you want.

      not everyone really wants to be left alone though, and some people wouldnt be if they knew how to talk to people (or make themselves talk to people.) however if they ultimately dont want to be bothered– best to leave them alone. take care.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I see your point clearly. I believe in compassion, and hope that by respecting what people want, they might feel comfortable talking with me. Offering time and patience is the best we can do. Be well, too. xo

        Liked by 2 people

  3. My way is to orient my life to allow for more of the exchanges I do enjoy, one on one conversations that are meaningful and not all small talk. It is hard, much of the world expects a certain public persona that is foreign to me. Still, I find my quiet time to recharge.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. All my life I’ve let people down by making friends and then not being able to maintain those friendships due to my own insecurities. I rarely bother trying any longer and the older I get the tougher it is to find people I can connect with. I’ve always been firm about declining social events when I know I’d only be stressed or annoyed by the people there. And I never answer the phone – but it really annoys my wife!

    Liked by 1 person

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