As I’ve been working through some issues lately, I’ve homed in on some uncomfortable truths about how I live my life – specifically my tendency to avoid difficult situations or memories. We all do it from time to time. Nobody likes confronting their fears or regrets, or reflecting on things they did wrong, or things that happened to them. It brings up all kinds of feelings and physical symptoms as well. But knowing that you’ve been avoiding dealing with something can make the issue grow and grow, until the thought of tackling this problem becomes an almost impossible task (in your mind at least).
I’m guilty of doing this in a few areas of my life, particularly with tasks at work. You know those emails that sit in your inbox for a couple of days, or even weeks? The ones that glare at you every time you open your emails, reminding you of some unfinished job or deadline, heightening your anxiety and growing into these huge monsters in your head… Those are the jobs we should be getting over and done with first thing in the morning, so they don’t sit there taunting and terrorising us throughout the day. Of course these things are easier said than done, and I’m the first to admit I need to work on this avoidance technique to make my life better.
As you might have read in earlier blog posts, I suffered a pretty traumatic panic attack about 10 months ago while driving. I remember every minute of the whole event with vivid clarity, so much detail that it seems to have gone on for an hour when it was probably only 15 minutes in total from start to finish. But whilst I have gone over that day over and over again, recounting every second and remembering how I felt in each moment, it doesn’t mean I have actually been dealing with how I felt and the effect it has had on my life. I’ve written about it in my blog, and told close friends and family the basics, but actually speaking about it out loud and recounting the story is something that still makes me feel sick and start to sweat. It’s like I have divided my life into who I was before it happened, and who I’ve become since it happened. And to be honest, now that it’s been nearly a year since it happened, I can honestly say that I’m grateful for what I’ve been through because it’s set me on a path that I finally feel is right for me. If I hadn’t of had that panic attack and the subsequent battles with anxiety, I might still be working in a job I didn’t like and feeling stuck in my life, in a city that had lost all its colour to me.
I could go on about the usual things people avoid in life – washing the dishes, or their clothes, or their hair… but at the end of the day, I think the things you avoid in your mind are more important than the humdrum of daily life. Tackling those mental barriers head on is the only way to come out with a brighter perspective, and although it takes patience, perseverance and positivity – it’s so worth it.
There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect.
Photo credits – taxcollection & vzcomacro