The volcano in my head.

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I’m dead serious – there’s actually a volcano of thoughts erupting all over my head, and I’ve been frantically trying to channel them into a variety of creative outlets for the past few months.

MUST

EXPRESS

MYSELF.

It’s like this burning itch that I’m constantly scratching, uncovering, exposing. Since quitting a job that had become quite toxic to my life in late November, I’ve literally been unravelling all these thoughts and feelings into whatever I can find – writing, art, photography, reading etc … Don’t get me wrong, it’s WONDERFUL. I’m just wondering where the hell I lost my creative self along the way, and what I’ve been doing for the past few years.

As an only child growing up (until the age of 10 when my sister was born), I was pretty lonely. I didn’t have many neighbourhood friends so had to make do with the imaginations in my mind. I would get lost in fantasy books, travelling to incredible lands and often wishing reality was more… well, magical. I essentially learnt how to be alone, something that’s transcended into all avenues in life. Given the choice of a rowdy night out with friends or a quiet night in cooking and reading by candlelight, 9 times out of 10 I’ll choose the solo affair.

I expressed myself (pretty terribly, in hindsight) through a variety of craft-making activities such as mosaics, water colours and beading. For some unknown reason I went through a phase of super-gluing little shells onto items of my clothing. Why didn’t anyone stop me? Well to be honest I’m glad they didn’t – I obviously needed to express myself somehow, and as long as I wasn’t harming anyone then who cares!?

Somewhere along the way I lost all these creative pursuits, until my recent life overhaul. I went through University, share-housing and meaningless jobs without giving much (if any) time to those activities which I knew brought me great joy. Since taking a step back from the corporate grind I’ve used this blog as a form of self expression, letting all my thoughts and feelings pour out. It’s been cathartic to say the least. I’ve taken up my life-long love of reading again, and have been dabbling in a photo journal of my recent travels. While I definitely won’t be taking up the art of gluing shells on my clothes again, I’m looking forward to the journey ahead and seeing the world in vivid colours once more.

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Photo credits – emiliycornelius1 & ratedmodernart

3 thoughts on “The volcano in my head.

  1. if this sounds in any way sarcastic, insincere, or aggressive (or even rhetorical) then please read it until it is none of those– do you think youre somehow different than most people?

    i promise its an honest question. its not a trick question either– it doesnt lead to “aha, well youre wrong!” i actually wonder if perhaps you are in some way. it is however, a very personal question. its in response to what could ultimately be a very personal blog post. its your blog, you get to decide how personal it gets, or whether you decide to entertain this peculiar line of questioning. but i offer it with admiration and respect.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. i was reading this page when i asked the question: https://thesilentwaveblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/19/once-autistic-an-aspie-always-autistic-an-aspie/comment-page-1/#comment-3120

        im shying away from the thought now, but you can always look into it. i personally recommend reading about the subject over running out to grab a professional opinion (those are pretty hard to find. imagine asking scientists about powered flight in the 1750s. we are really in the dark ages here.)

        to be honest, i dont know what to make of you. i think youre definitely unique, i cant tell you in what way. but for a moment, your description of stress and frustration made me wonder.

        not that frustration and stress mean anything. you remind me a little of an australian friend i had with a crazy-high iq and a funny attitude towards life (as if theres an australian somewhere who doesnt have one of those.) my iq is definitely above average (of course this is online– i could also say im 7 feet tall) but hers was craaaazy high.

        all that aside, i think our understand of stress is very primitive. i also think our emerging monoculture is extremely overrated, and we need to diversify our lifestyles before we create the perfect prison for our own cultures (especially living in an age where half of us could be replaced by robots, and “work” as we know it could be– and yet wont be– obsolete.) “the automatic machine is the precise economic equivalent of slave labor. any labor which competes with slave labor must accept the economic consequences of slave labor.” — norbert wiener

        Liked by 1 person

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